in Personal

"THE COMPANY" experience

God clearly put a change of heart in me because I’ve come to terms to just accept things as they are and have FAITH that he has me here for a reason. I say this because if I had the choice, the funds and knew what to do next – I wouldn’t be here typing what is being said now. I know that we tend to fight when God calls us to do something. We kick, scream and pout, argue, get emotional and everything but pray and ask God to show us what he put us here for. When I first found out that I was working for “The Company That Shall remain nameless for now” (which I will refer to as THE COMPANY) I was far from excited. Everyone else on the other hand was much more excited for me. I felt very awkward that I wasn’t excited because I had applied before and hadn’t had the opportunity to go forth with it – despite my acceptance into THE COMPANY. (It was five years ago). So here I am in a new place meeting people from ALL OVER THE COUNTRY and all I can think about is my dept, that I am better than this! And that I DESERVE MORE!!!!!  How selfish of me to think this way! You have all these other people excited about THE COMPANY and what it will bring them and all I can think of is my debt to Mr. Amex, the Gov. and RIT. Through all this (its been a month so far) I can say it has humbled me. I’ve been able to reconnect with old friends and focus on me, and PRAYER! My selfishness is exposed to me because I see myself giving GOD!!!! of all people deadlines of when He should show me a sign of what to do next. He must think of me like, “what a JERK!!!!” I must say, however, that I am thankful to 1. see where I fall short, and 2. correct myself before it is too late. I realize that I need to stop belittling my Lord and Savior and to trust Him more. Trust that He has a plan and that He knows what he is doing, because after all if we don’t trust what He is doing why then would we follow Him? Thus far I’ve had very deep conversations with my current roommate and can see that she is being convicted with herself through some of the choices that I make – like what music I choose to listen to, or even seeing me have prayer meetings over the phone! I know that it is not what I do that determines my salvation, but what I do can affect someone’s salvation. so until next time,

***think in abundance***

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