Motivation To Get Moving

In 2015 I successfully dropped 27lbs. In my workplace we made our own competition. We would all weigh in on the same day, if you maintained you were fine, if you gained anything you paid $5.00 for the week, and at the end of the competition biggest loser (most pounds lost) takes home the money pot.

I came in third place, but I had additional motivation to get moving and dropping the pounds. My brother was getting married and I wanted to look good. I had a few support systems in place too. Made a group chat with my friends and every week we would check in.

Fast forward to 2017 and I’ve gained the 27lbs back and then some. Currently I weigh 199.4 pounds. For me its not just the numbers that matter. I know I want to be a source of motivation for those around me, and well yesterday I had a conversation with my mom and it pushed me to get moving again today.

She was telling me how she believed I eat healthy and that I just needed to go back to the gym. For the most part I sometimes eat healthy, but we order out so much and sometimes I order anything but a salad. So after the conversation with my mom I felt guilty. I felt like I was lying to her.

I decided I need to be consistent, dedicated and rearrange my schedule to fit my activities. Between 2015 and today I know I’ve experienced burn out from doing too much for everyone else and not taking care of myself. And if you think putting your self first is selfish vs is being selfless, check out this podcast.

I believe we put so much emphasis on the numbers that we forget to analyze the way we feel. I know our body talks, for example if I eat something that is high in sodium, I’ll eventually get a headache and need a nap. Generally, when my mom cooks, its not salty because she has medical issues and doesn’t cook with much salt.

Often I wonder just how “healthy”  Haitian food ranks. Our meals consist of lots of rice and sides include legumes, cooked veggies and meat. I think if the portion sizes were different it wouldn’t be so bad. We use lots of spices in our cooking.

So today is a new day, and I’ve hit reset. No more stress binge eating and time to quit lying to not only my mother but myself too.

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, indoor This is after I’d drop the 27lbs at my brothers wedding. When I go through my facebook photos the number of full body shots go down so clearly I know whats happening. Most of us know what to do to drop weight and be healthy. The difficulty is discipline and being truthful to ones self.

Today I did 30 min of cardio on the treadmill at a incline of 3.5 and a speed of 3.4. It was more like speed walking and I did break out a little sweat. While on the treadmill the only thought that kept crossing my mind was be kind to yourself.

I believe we go through so many thoughts a day, and we easily beat our selves up for what we don’t do. Be Kind to yourself, always. Now get up and get moving!

At 199.4 lbs this is what I’m working with …

Oh and this planet fitness looks way better than the ones near my house!!!

I choose to love me as I am in the body I currently have. There’s always room for improvement. And you’ve got to start somewhere.

 add me!

In Two Years

In Two Years

This morning I was scrolling through my photos on my phone and I came across one that was taken during my brother and sister (in law) wedding shower.

I was so happy back then.

I was working out, I enjoyed the outfits I was able to wear and well… two years down the line, and a whole lot of stress later – I’ve gained nearly thirty pounds, a double chin and then some.

However, looking at those photos made me realize I can still change a few things.

It motivated me to take my behind to the gym this morning. I did 45 minutes of cardio. I figured that 45 min on the treadmill is more than I did yesterday. I also figured if it means walking the pounds away – so be it.

I’ve been researching more about nutrition and health. Fun (random fact) I always told myself if a career in design didn’t work out, I’d go back for nutritional health. I’ve since reached out to several people that are well versed in the subject and I’m slowly but surely working my way back into better health.

I’ve found that it can be difficult to be well when your state of mind isn’t in the right place. In the past month (March) I’ve had highs and lows throughout the month. Having the right people in your corner is so important for growth strength and improvement in this thing we call life.


It's Not Really A Friday If You Have To Work – Right?

“It’s Not Really A Friday If You Have To Work – Right?”

What is the energy you bring to work each day?

Work is one of those things many people dread. I’m not even gonna front – I find myself dreading work some days too. However I’ve found that mindset is where is all starts. I am known as the early bird in the office. I really despise being late to anything, and since I often arrive before anyone else, I take it as an opportunity to set the day off. I greet everyone with a cheerful smile, get the coffee pot going and set the temperature to a comfy warm setting (ok that last one, I’m typically freezing, so If I get there first I’m going to turn up the heat).

I found myself cringing when I heard these words, “It’s Not Really A Friday If You Have To Work – Right?”. These are words from a co-worker as they headed out the door — before everyone one else – an hour earlier at that.

I couldn’t agree with this statement. I don’t hate my job that much. And for the most part my coworkers are fairly cool. They make jokes to lighten the day and its been a fairly quiet yet busy week. But this coworker seems to be consistently aggravated, annoyed, sighs left and right, and looks for someone to join in the misery.

When I’m having an off day, I need to reach for my headphones and find some uplifting words be it in a podcast, a youtube video, or music that can divert my attention.

I’ve found that even when the assignment or task is mundane, you can find enjoyment somewhere in the process. Most of the frustrations come when all you (or I) do is think about where I’d rather be.

I’ve found a few ways to combat that.

  1. Don’t engage in that behavior. Misery loves company is far too true. And my energy needs to go towards something worth while.
  2. Listen to music. I put on positive music and listen to artists I like.
  3. Spin the negative comment into a positive one. I know I said not to engage, but if this person is insisting on an answer spin it around.
  4. Take a walk and stretch – get away from the environment. Go use the bathroom do something. I’ve found that there is such thing as energy and people will try to bring you down. Run! and get to a better space if you can.

I want to wish you a Happy Friday!

Good Vibes your way.


Waiting For Inspiration

Waiting for inspiration is probably one of the worst things you can do. There is no guarantee that inspiration will motivate you to take action on what you’ve been stalling on.

I’ll admit, I was stalling on writing today. I completed an entire paragraph only to l feel that my topic wasn’t genuine or interesting. In my opinion it was full of fluff. I was writing just to write. It then made me think – what was it that I was searching for? Why wasn’t I writing? Then the thought crossed my mind, “I don’t feel inspired.” It’s true, I wasn’t feeling inspired. But should we wait to feel inspired to take action? 

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Mourning Before Death

I keep telling myself she’s going to be ok, it’s just a little cold – but in the back of my mind I know it’s something else. I know it’s lurking in the corners and it’s putting a damper on my spirit. My smile doesn’t reach as far, and silence and deep thought has transcended me – trying to prepare for what I know will come. It’s just a matter of when.

Last night when I went to look at my grandmothers face, for the first time in a long time I saw pain and suffering, harsh rash breathing in between the familiar sounds of her groaning.

My first experience with grief and death was when my uncle passed away. I was in sixth grade maybe seventh – attending Ivy Hill Middle school in Newark – a few blocks away from home. I was in an after school program called sister hood and every time we met we had to recite this poem …’I am Me”…. We were scheduled to go on a field trip one day in the spring and I remember being sad and not wanting to go. My cousin was also in the program and tried to convince me that I’d feel better going. Instead I stayed home and mourned. During my uncles funeral, his daughter – my older cousin – did not cry. My uncle passed of lung cancer I believe. He wasn’t a smoker, everyone thought she was weird. But now I understand. She grieved her dad, my uncle before he passed. And when he finally did she knew his pain and suffering finally ended.

And while everyone has been thankful that Betty White and a few other celebrities making it to 2017, January is reminding me just how alive I am through my grandmother. I talked about her here before. And I wish I could share her with you what she was like in person rather than the fond memories I have of her. The things she did when I was younger that annoyed me due to lack of understanding are the things I now miss. I hope you don’t mind as I reminisce of the things she did and said:

My grandmother loves her children. She never ceased to talk about them, and she would tell us the order of each child as she had them. She’d tell us who gave her issues, and who was easy to deal with. She had “Onze petit” eleven kids. I’d learn later in life that she did have one child that passed away and another that she adopted as her own. Today he’s still in Haiti.

Grandma would mock me when I’d beg my brother to “leave me alone!!!!!” But in creole it would translate that the light is long. I think she had her fair share of laughter because she didn’t tell me the meaning of why she would be snickering until years later. My grandma came to the states when I was fairly young. I don’t even remember not being able to speak creole.

She was truly amazing in her hay day. She learned her alphabets and how to write her name. She had this little book where she would keep all her numbers to call her friends. She was a beast at math and taught us how to tie plastic bags into a bow for better storage. She loved working. She loved having money. And when we had a garden in the back yard she would be the first one out there picking out the weeds, cutting the lalo known as leaves of jute here in America. She would be the first one to start cleaning it so we could eat later in the year.

She wasn’t afraid to beat the mess out of you if you did something wrong – and she always came to my sisters rescue when she was about to get an ass whooping! She had a lullaby for my sister – my sister got spoiled the most. Grandma was definitely her second mother. I remember how we’d walk down to my aunts house in Irvington and she hated walking past dogs – I learned that she was bit in the leg when she was in Haiti. And man oh man the stories she told …. she made me fearful of visiting Haiti.

My grandma was an early riser she taught me how to make the best eggs you’d ever have for breakfast. And she could recite bible verses an hour long.  She would pray for each and every person before bed and upon rising. She was devote Christian. When I was younger we shared rooms and she would do her prayers and I’d toss and turn and mumble under my breath because I wanted to sleep – sorry Grandma, sorry God – I didn’t know any better back then.

Before my aunts and uncles traveled over to the states, we’d sing on cassette tapes and say hi to people we thought we’d never meet. It’s great to be able to say otherwise now. It would be great to be able to hear her voice again. I haven’t heard her voice in nearly five to six years – possibly longer than that.

I decided to publish this because I was only able to sleep after reading a few articles from Jonas Ellison. A few quotes from his writing stood out to me:

“…deep suffering is the only thing besides Love that opens us up to transformation. Without our lives being torn apart, they’re impossible to rebuild. But from the rubble of loss, one can reconstruct a temple in honor of the one who’s fallen at our feet…..”

“…the divine dichotomy of death. It’s beautiful in that it hurts. I mean, would it really be appropriate to make it ‘better’? If you could snap your fingers and immediately feel awesome in the face of a loved one’s passing, would you?…”

On the contrary I ought to still find joy in the midst of all of this. I see how my mother continues to care for her. How she prevents the bed sores, how she has created a system for feeding, changing diapers, medical visits – total care…..

A Life Of Waiting

How many times have you said these things?

I can’t wait until I’m an adult! 

I can’ wait until I’m older!

I can’t wait to get to high school, college, graduate…

I can’t wait until I’m 21 

I can’t wait to have a boyfriend

I can’t wait to get married

I can’t wait to have children

I can’t wait to get that promotion….. 

As you get older the “I can’t wait turns into something else. Other people are waiting to see your life transform. Maybe its so that you can share experiences and stories (that’s the positive spin on it – but not everyone is for you). It doesn’t help that when I walk into certain premises the “expectations of other people in their waiting” are reinforced.

All too often I hear, “When are you getting married?” – excuse me but I can’t propose to myself.

“When are you having children?” – see the above.

“It’s time to change jobs.” – Are you hiring and willing to pay well? 

“You should buy a house.” – I believe in no debt, and I’m working my way out of it.

“You Should move to get a better job.” – Family is important to me, If I move it has to be worthwhile.

“You should go back to school.” ….. But should I? Will you give me the funds to go? Will you create the time in my schedule for me to attend? I am an advocate of education – it doesn’t always have to be in the school system. Besides the world is changing, technology is emerging, yet it seems that our systems are not evolving. 


One of the best quotes I’ve heard while indulging in youtube videos is this:

Opinions are like belly buttons, everyone has them but they don’t really matter.

This dialogue that I constantly hear translates into a life of waiting. I don’t believe that life is intended to be lived that way. It causes anxiety, unnecessary stress, and you never know what you may be imposing onto other people. I believe that life should be lived to its fullest. It should be filled with lasting experiences. People need to learn to develop their own thoughts. They need to understand who they are – and yes I realize people are “developing later” i.e. moving out of their parents home later, having children later – just every thing extended later in life.

Rather than impose on people see where their hearts and minds are, see what their dreams and aspirations are. Get to know them.

While hoping and expecting for certain life experiences is a good thing, I personally don’t need the constant reminder that I am aging and that “time is running out”. Yes life is short, but its also life-long.

Things I wish my mom taught me sooner… Part 1

Things I wish my mom taught me sooner…. Part 1
Let me start by saying I am not a parent.
While I hope to be one in the future I hope that this post would come back to me as a reminder to my future parent self.
Now that my formality introduction is out the way here are a few things I wish I learned sooner in life.

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"THE COMPANY" experience

God clearly put a change of heart in me because I’ve come to terms to just accept things as they are and have FAITH that he has me here for a reason. I say this because if I had the choice, the funds and knew what to do next – I wouldn’t be here typing what is being said now. I know that we tend to fight when God calls us to do something. We kick, scream and pout, argue, get emotional and everything but pray and ask God to show us what he put us here for. When I first found out that I was working for “The Company That Shall remain nameless for now” (which I will refer to as THE COMPANY) I was far from excited. Everyone else on the other hand was much more excited for me. I felt very awkward that I wasn’t excited because I had applied before and hadn’t had the opportunity to go forth with it – despite my acceptance into THE COMPANY. (It was five years ago). So here I am in a new place meeting people from ALL OVER THE COUNTRY and all I can think about is my dept, that I am better than this! And that I DESERVE MORE!!!!!  How selfish of me to think this way! You have all these other people excited about THE COMPANY and what it will bring them and all I can think of is my debt to Mr. Amex, the Gov. and RIT. Through all this (its been a month so far) I can say it has humbled me. I’ve been able to reconnect with old friends and focus on me, and PRAYER! My selfishness is exposed to me because I see myself giving GOD!!!! of all people deadlines of when He should show me a sign of what to do next. He must think of me like, “what a JERK!!!!” I must say, however, that I am thankful to 1. see where I fall short, and 2. correct myself before it is too late. I realize that I need to stop belittling my Lord and Savior and to trust Him more. Trust that He has a plan and that He knows what he is doing, because after all if we don’t trust what He is doing why then would we follow Him? Thus far I’ve had very deep conversations with my current roommate and can see that she is being convicted with herself through some of the choices that I make – like what music I choose to listen to, or even seeing me have prayer meetings over the phone! I know that it is not what I do that determines my salvation, but what I do can affect someone’s salvation. so until next time,

***think in abundance***