Self Love & Relationships

No time than ever before am I realizing importance of self love. Some people say you have to love someone else before you can love yourself. Some believe you have to love yourself before you can love others. While Christ loved us first, I believe we experience the love that we crave in our upbringing – our parents, our siblings, nanny, granny – the people that set the examples of which we ought to follow. 

So what happens when someone doesn’t love themselves? Is it something thats taught or learned? Growing up I heard, “I love you” from a man I believed was my father for years – until that bubble got busted and I learned that he was an ex of my moms that decided to step in and take up the role of being my father. It’s so easy to shatter someones belief, yet he was the one that would always say, “I love you my child, your my daughter, I love you.” I don’t think my family has exchanged the words, “I love you” enough. No one can ever get enough of hearing it, experiencing it, acting it out – an no I do not mean sex. I mean to know that someone else loves you as you are, despite your mistakes.

I believe we learn self love first from our parents, our upbringing. From what they say to each other, how they treat one another – 1 Peter 5:14 Says to greet each other with a kiss – but when there’s anger or resentment going on in a relationship I highly doubt that this greeting is still done. (My boyfriend will still lean in for kiss despite when we are upset with each other – its up to me to in the minuet put my pride aside and accept his offered greeting).

I’ve watched and heard stories from other peoples relationships. The pain and suffering, the good and the bad – yet those that are sincerely happy, those that speak well of marriage, and love all say its worth it. So how does one who doesn’t love themselves begin to experience self love? Especially if they’ve been in a hurtful deceitful relationship, where does self worth being to rekindle?

I don’t think we realize the lasting affects that social media, television, and bullying has on people. Growing up I was bullied. I’d get made fun of for my name, my hair, my clothes… some parents believe its a part of growing up. Yet some people never recover. I was grateful to have a friend in middle school take me under her wings and change me from a tom girl to much more girly version of myself. With each passing year of hanging with her, I began to like myself even more. I think everyone needs a friend to push themselves to understanding what it means to love themselves. Not to be conceited but to like who they are – in-spite of their past mistakes.

The goal is to be better, do better and spread that agape love we all crave.

4 comments / Add your comment below

  1. I really think it’s all about being in right company. I can relate to what you are saying because I’ve also spent my childhood trying to fit in. It seemed that whatever I tried, others would just not accept me. Bullying, making fun out of me, and all that.

    But looking back from this perspective I realize that was more about their insecurities, than my deficiencies. You can try as much as you want, some people and environments won’t accept you. It may be them, it may even be you. It doesn’t matter.

    So, spread your wings. Find your crew and people that appreciate you. And when you do – then, there is no running away. If you need to fight for those people – that’s what you do ;).

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