Personal

Rule #001

Rule #1: Never Let Your Passion Die. 

Earlier this week I was sad. Like really really sad. I couldn’t shake it and it was difficult for me to get over it – it wasn’t depression. I’ve experienced depression before and that wasn’t it. I didn’t really want to talk to anyone – I didn’t think anyone would understand what I was going through. I talked a bit about it in this post. But I didn’t want to go deep into details. I couldn’t pin point exactly why I felt the way I did or where and when my emotions turned but today is waaay better than all the other days I’ve experienced this week.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine and she said to me, “don’t let your passion die”. Working for large corporations in design (and as a designer) becomes much more like factory work. You use less of your brain cells and creativity and its all about cranking out project after project after project. It becomes all about the bottom line and the profit thats made to benefit the stake holders. I knew this – but I took the job anyway. It’s difficult to change directions when you feel stuck. We (my friend and I) talked about the issues I was facing this past week and what my action plans are. So far I have one.

My first step: Read Fervent – by Pricilla Shirer. I’ve heard great reviews for the (work) book and I want to get my prayer life in order. I would pray with two other girlfriends each morning but since the new year we have fallen off with that. Our schedules have changed drastically and we just haven’t been making the time to get up early and dive into morning devotions and prayer TOGETHER. So yea its been a minute – and ladies if you are reading this I’d love for us to start it back up :).

I speak for myself here, and I know that my prayer is lacking. It’s become routine to say a few words before bed, say grace before I eat – I’ve fallen off asking for safety on the road and the GSP (Garden State Parkway) is no safe road to travel every morning with people flying down 65 –  80 mph. I ended up delving into sermons and talks on youtube ranging from toxic thinking and science to what the bible actually says and declares in our life. My mindset was the bible is in the past, everything doesn’t apply to me – especially prosperity.

Through my digging in the word I came across 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 – it has new meaning to me as it says, “Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

I was struggling with believing the promises that Christ says he would send us. I felt that I was undeserving. I thought, “Who am I to have more, to prosper, or to even dare to want to have these things. What significance does it bring and is that really what God is calling to me in my life?” I went ahead and did a bit more digging – and while I don’t have the “right answers” I think this article gives better detail of what it means to pray without ceasing.

I guess the one good thing that has come from this is I went on a deep dive in the living word, and some of the people that I hold dear to me made sure to let me know I am not alone, it’s ok to speak about my problems, and that I will get through it.

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