in Random

In Search Of Creative Confidence

I wanted to get better at story telling – and I know there is still room for experience – so I took a course with NOVO ED and this was the story I shared. It is a true story and one that is still developing, and continues to unfold. I’ve learned that some people are really in search of stripping the power and beliefs you have. 

“This sucks”, shhhhrrriiip, the sound I hear as my professor tears my drawing piece apart.

Shhriipppp, shrrriiipp, shhhhhhrrriippp.” My heart sank, my feelings hurt, and I sat there silently as the tears welled up in my eyes. I refused to blink. I put all my effort in that project. I spent the time I had set aside after work and all my college classes to work on the assignment assigned two days prior.

In the back of my head all I could think about was,

“How am I supposed to get better if all I hear is how much my drawing sucks. How do I improve? What should I change exactly?

This happened sophomore year in college. The wound still lingers around today. I’ve been drawing for years. I’ve studied fine art while in high school, and furthered my design education in college.

I’ve taught others to draw and paint and I am eager to design in order to help improve peoples lives.

To this day, these questions like to creep through my mind. At times I question, “I am good enough?”, shame crosses my mind making me feel like a fraud. Questions like, ” will they like it?, does it make sense, or does it matter,” make me question if I am on the right path.

Guild steps in because I enjoy being able to draw and sketch. “Do I deserve to do this?”

Place me in front of someone who is just learning, I can encourage them and give audible and tactile feedback on how to improve their drawing. I can share with enthusiasm that they are indeed on the right path.

So where did my creative confidence go?

Flush. Down the drain I guess. As a creative, we are exposed to criticism over and over and over again without supportive advice on how to improve. We lack communities that give real feedback instead of judgement.

So how did I rebuild my creative confidence?

I’ve gone back through my old design work and found ways to improve them. I’ve found a design community that holds me to a high standard. I’ve learned to ask the right questions so that I can get feedback on how to improve.

Just like working out and building muscle, I’ve worked on bridging the gap in my design knowledge by creating personal projects and seeking feedback from professionals in the field.

It’s fairly easy to reach out to people today with social media platforms and to read and see what other people have done. Even more so, I am taking online courses in my spare time to continue to build my knowledge and understanding of design, creativity and all the ways it can be implemented with purpose.

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