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Emotionally Dumping On People

You are responsible for your own happiness. 

I think this is a known fact that everyone is aware of, yet rarely practiced. It’s this thing that people know – it’s no one else’s responsibility to make you happy. Its funny though because it can be quite easy for someone else to make you upset or transfer the set of emotions.

If there’s anything I’ve learned this year is that mindset is everything. I was going to name this post happiness, but I figured I’d talk a little more about the issue I’m facing behind the post.

So yes – I am well aware that I am responsible for my own happiness but growing up in an environment where people constantly dump on you – their emotions issues, their financial issues, medical issues; it takes a toll on you (on me) mentally physically emotionally. I know as a Christian I ought to be willing to hear other people out, the issues they face and sometimes when people vent they aren’t looking for a solution. Often times just a listening ear and this is the problem I’m referring to: dumping on people.

So what determines venting/ toxic venting/emotional dumping vs seeking advice?

I didn’t quite know how to explain it until searching google and another article came up,

They want us to listen, but not to offer anything in the way of opinions, suggestions, advice, consolation or insight.

I know I’ve been guilty of this. Yet now that I am aware of it I try to distance myself from family and friends until I’ve gotten over the situation. Better yet, my boyfriend called and wanted to go to target but I just preferred to stay alone. I didn’t feel like talking about what was or (is) bothering me and I’m not looking for sympathy, empathy, or for someone to fix my problem.

In this article Judith writes, …“Why do you always have to fix it? Why can’t you just listen?” That question opens another can of worms. But for the moment, suffice it to say that one of the really good reasons is that it’s not just a man’s problem — it’s a human problem that exists in relationships of all kinds. Listening well is hard. We’re not born knowing how to do it.

But offering an ear or a shoulder is just a small part of it. Good listening is an art form. It elicits not just release, but exploration. It is not passive, as some would imagine, calling to mind that banal and silent Freudian nod. Good listening seeks to understand. It asks questions. It ponders. It examines. It searches for both manifest and latent meanings. It requires openness and bonafide availability. It is fully present and interested. But it is not always silent, and it does not automatically dismiss accountability. And, as a result, it is decidedly not what some people are looking for: a toxic dump site.”

At the end of the day, relationships are hard, they are complex, they require time and commitment. And the choice to be happy is up to you in making that decision – if even for a moment.

If there’s anything I’d like for you to get out of this post – its to be mindful of unloading the emotional baggage that you’ve been carrying around. You never really know what’s been going on in someone else’s day any you may not be sure of what your dumping can lead them to do. I really do think its important for people to invest in therapists – and with the recent issues surrounding people like Kanye its nothing to joke around with. I think people only think of mental illness as something they can see visibly. We lack general concern to help other people before they reach the point of dumping. Don’t do it. Seek out a therapist to help with your life problems.

For me this post was a way for me to simply share what was on my heart. I am upset about a situation that just occurred but I’ll talk write about that in another post.

If you are curious to read the full article I’ve linked it for you here..

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