The people on the sidelines, also known as the “on lookers”- they critique. They judge. They nitpick and they have every opinion in the book.
It’s very similar to what David Kelly talks about in his TED talk. Someone leans in and kills the confidence you had in attempting to build something beautiful. They may not know how many iterations you have already drawn out, build, or tried to accomplish beforehand. They may not know if it was the final presentation being reworked. Yet they lean in and steal what little confidence you have left.
Tonight we celebrated my moms 60th birthday. It’s a milestone for her. She’s raised three children, and has done fairly well for herself.
Currently, she takes care of her mother, my grandmother – whom I’ve written about before. Grandma is 79, she has Alzheimer’s disease. She cannot walk, talk, feed herself, bathe herself – my mom does everything for her. We have a few health aids that come to the house to help out while my mom goes to work. However, when she comes home the work isn’t done. She blends grandmas food, gives her a bed bath, changes the diaper, crushes the medication, sets up the doctors appointments – you name it mom does it.
My moms birthday falls on thanksgiving. It falls on that date nearly every year. Since she’s reached another milestone of 60 years – I figure it would be great to surprise her with a birthday party.
My mom doesn’t get to travel, and each year is a guessing game of what to get her because she says, “I don’t need anything”. While the planning of today’s dinner was taken over by my aunt, I still believe the thought is what counts most. Things didn’t go the way I wanted it to go but My mom was really surprised.
The thing that bothered me tonight is that it hurt to hear a critic in my ear non stop throughout the entire dinner. Followed by opinions of friends and family that were there to “support”.
All I wanted was a nice sit down dinner with my mom. Along side some friends and family. That’s it.
What’s the point I’m trying to make?
I refuse to allow people to shove their opinions for me to consume. It’s a part of the problem of today’s society. Everyone’s got something to say – and it isn’t to uplift or to help or to encourage. It’s not positive. It’s to tear down and destroy. I will control what I can when I can – everything else I’ll leave it up to God.
Learn to uplift people and watch what comes out of your tongue. While your intentions may be good maybe you should take a second and think your thoughts over before going out of your way to share them.
As shared in the book creative confidence, learn to create more positive impacts in the world. Add more joy and meaning to the people around you. There’s no need for an additional distribution of hate to go around.